Choco-holic

So I am a chocoholic, yes I admit it. Coincidentally, my dog is also fond of the milky heavenly goodness. See my collection of photo evidence below, it's a little montage I like to call "Sippy Cup of Chocolate Milk Meets Chocolate-loving Airedale at Midnight on the Living Room Carpet".





But who couldn't love that face?


Truthfully it didn't really bother me because I am trying to pare down my sippy collection anyway, it just annoyed me that she got blood on my couch cushion. Further to my detective work in checking each dog's gums for bleeding, I also found an incriminating piece of green in the beard of the bitch. If you look closely you can see it below.

Parental Problems

When you have a baby everyone tells you, it gets easier, once they are six months it's much easier. They are talking about sleep, something foreign to me lately. When your child is 12 months they say "it gets easier, once they can follow directions, once they are 20 months or so". What they don't tell you is that just because they CAN follow directions, doesn't mean they will. They say when your child is 2, "it gets easier, it's the terrible twos" and at this point I am realizing it never gets easier, the challenges just morph into something new and foreign and something that makes you feel completely helpless and incapable at every new phase of parenting. But that's the fun of it right? Right? I don't hear a resounding cheer from the audience of sleep-deprived, reasoning challenged, out-"why-ed" moms out there. So here are some of my latest parenting challenges that I am facing in my new and repeat phases of motherhood. Since the only people that read this are other moms, to my knowledge, I am looking for some good advice from those who have been here before me, are here with me, or those who just may have a magic answer.
#1 Parental Nudity
A hot topic I'm sure, this one has me a little confused, embarassed, and annoyed. While visiting my parents house at Christmas, my husband took my two and a half year old to have a shower, as he often does. Visibly apalled, my well-meaning mother says "Don't you think she is a little bit OLD to be showering with her dad?". I was floored, annoyed, angry, worried, and stunned. I had never considered this question before. She is his little girl, he has bathed her since birth, sometimes in the tub with her, sometimes not. At what point had that morphed into something suspicious, ugly, and bad? Was she right? Was this inappropriate? Was he creating future therapy-requiring damage in the psyche of our little angel? Was it MY responsibility to step in on this obscene act? OH THE ANGST! Of course I quickly shot back "NO! He showers with her all the time", ya, great response but I was at a loss for what to say. So this is my issue. Is this inappropriate. Now that the seed has been planted my mind can't help but wonder at what point is it okay and not okay to shower with your kids, be naked in front of your kids, and help your kids bath themeselves? For goodness sake she is 2! If you are still having to wipe her bum at the potty, showering together can't be forbidden already can it? Now I find myself wondering if daddy should be doing any of these things, which is of course completely ridiculous because I don't question for one second if I should be doing these things. Are there different rules for moms and dads when it comes to boys and girls? Dads with girls seems to be the most suspect of all gender combination possibilities. And that is sad. We strive for dads to be involved. Now that I have my husband thoroughly used to chipping in whatever is needed, bum wiping, bathing, dressing, etc do I now have to step in and say back off? Can't he still take her to the change room at the pool?
I have taken the stance that I am not going to hamper this fantastic gift I have of an engaged dad. If I start telling him to back off in one area, knowing men, this may cause an over-reaction of withdrawing to the point of uninvolvement. I didn't grow-up in a naked household. I don't recall ever seeing my parents or my siblings naked, EVER! That seemed normal to me at the time but our free flesh policy now also seems completely normal and comfortable. I am a shy individual when it comes to nudity. I am not comfortable baring all in change rooms, I prefer to hide in a individual stall so as not to expose anyone to my imperfect lumps (thanks to the media we can all be ashamed of our natural state no matter what our size). But I don't feel the same way in my home. My home is my haven of comfort. I don't want to have to be on gaurd with nudity. Secondly, I don't want to instill a sense of shame or embarassment to my children about their bodies. I want them to see real bodies and know that they look as imperfect as mine and my husbands. To know that mom boobs are not like the ones on TV (and mostly that is your fault my child), daddy's tummy sticks out, etc (I'll spare you the details). But now I wonder if this take is going to somehow scar my child, or worse yet if something nasty is brewing by my two year old showering with her dad? UGGGGHHHH! My take is if everyone is comfortable with it, we are okay for now, reassess as the child grows and shows signs of being uncomfortable or inappropriate. Oh there is so much to say on this topic I could go on for ever but I had a few other parental problems I wanted to discuss so I will leave this one for now. Please comment, I would really love to hear opinions on this. I've read a few at http://www.babble.com/bad-parent-nude-awakening-humor-essay-i-walk-around-the-house-naked-in-front-of-my-kids-emily-mendell/
but I'd love to hear yours too.

#2 Bedtime baby
I'll keep this one short. My baby doesn't like to go to bed. She sleeps great during the day, drifting off for a morning and afternoon nap of a few hours each without incident but every night, the fear sets in. We bath her and she goes to sleep quite nicely usually. But inevitably after about an hour she wakes up crying. I go in soothe her back to sleep. This continues every 20-45 minutes for usually 2-4 hours until about midnight when she finally conks out until her 3-4am feed. It seems like she has gas because she is twisting and clenching up her abs when she wakes up crying but who knows. I usually end up giving her Ovol, which while ineffective as a drug, it is now formulated with peppermint which I think does have a soothing effect on the stomach. We never had this problem with our first (God would never give you two kids with the same problems so you could actually feel like you know what you are doing), she only had trouble falling asleep, once she was down she was OUT! We didn't really have a defined bedtime for her at this age and she usually ended up going to bed later but since we are putting the two year old to bed at 8 it only seems natual to try and get both monkeys out at the same time to give us some sanity time. So I stress and approach the evenings with angst, while I hope to get some time to myself every evening, one must never lose hope, I usually end up doing the baby run every 20 minutes which explains why I have been trying to watch the movie "Sex in the City" since giving birth in October and am now officially half way through it. Oh woe is me. I have my mantra "I am lucky enough to have a baby, I should revel in having her in arms" I say to myself I as go to her room for the third, fourth, etc. time each night. It sometimes works, other times the mantra turns into screaming at my husband to get his butt upstairs and take a shift. Maybe I should just change my attitude and let her stay up until she crashes, but I REALLY don't want to do that. I do think she is ready for sleep at that time, she just for some reason is having trouble staying asleep. Thankfully she usually sleeps until 9 or 10 if left to her own devices. Maybe thats just her natural clock, fall asleep later, sleep later in the morning. Who knows! Anyway, advice on this "situation" would also be appreciated. (PS. I am not really into any books or "methods" on sleep, I find that this just creates more anxiety as I start to EXPECT them to conform to someone's preconceived idea of when to sleep and then get all upset and annoyed when they don't conform. Maybe I'm missing out maybe not...?).

Goals

Since gaining my second child, and about 15 unwanted unshakable pounds, I have come to realize the importance of goals. Life is getting so busy that the days are just flipping by and here I am with a four month old and still feel like I have a newborn. And so I am realizing that life will continue on this way if I don't set out some real goals for myself. Yes, I have goals every day, like "take a shower" and "do two loads of laundry" that sometimes I accomplish, many days I don't, but I mean I need to set some goals for myself about things I need to pay attention to, things that will otherwise fall by the wayside. Like reading for example. I've been reading the same book since the last month of my pregnancy. I need to set a goal to finish that book. Here I am four months after having my baby and still carrying around too many extra pounds to be comfortable, I need to set a goal to lose it. I need to set a goal to spend less money, and house less stuff. To replace my need to buy things for my kids with giving them my time instead. It sounds so cliche but I am really finding that I am getting distracted with the day to day and things that I really want to do are going left undone. So on that note, tomorrow I will clean the pantry, and rid us of the bulk of the candy and calorie-laden food. That should help me on my quest to shed some pounds. Then I will spend quality time with Mayson making cookies for her and her friends to decorate for Valentines day, hmmmm I see the dichotomy here but whatever, it's a start. I am setting a goal of 30 days of activity again. Did this once before and not sure if I failed or not but it is a good goal, so am going to try again. Something active everyday, walking the dogs/kids, yoga, pilates, crunches with baby while playing, 15 minutes on the weight machine, 40 minutes on the treadmill, whatever I can get in but have to something every day for 30 days. Okay, that's enough goal setting for one day, now I have to go "get rid" of that pesky Hagen Daas in my freezer...

My Workout

Starting up the blog again I am finding is a little bit like starting up excercising, the thought of doing it is much harder than actually doing it. So I am breaking down that mental wall, and technical wall too since my blog password had somehow changed?! Anyway, as anyone who may actually reads this already knows, my second beautiful daughter came into this world as planned, happy and healthy and wonderful, on October 10. Yes it's been a full three months since I posted but I think this is a valid reason, what with it being Christmas and all. And though I am often inspired with many moving thoughts in this second foray into motherhood, I am often not able to grab them in the moment and put them down here for the record and so I don't know that I have anything particularly interesting to say today. My worries are put to rest, my love for her is as great as the first, less surprising and more comfortable though. She is like someone I've known my whole life. She is sweet, and gentle, and hopefully talks less than her sister. She has her sister capacity for mega-poos, mega-pukes, and mega-smiles. She is lovely and I am so glad she is here, and glad that she turned out to be a girl (as I suspected all along) so that perhaps daddy can be convinced he needs a son?

The End is Near

Here I thought with all this time before the baby comes I would be blogging away, stacking up novels beside my bed as I plowed through them night after night, and my house would be immacululate. Well, based on the blogging frequency you can guess how that execution is going. I find myself a wee bit...paralyzed. Mostly just the last two days, anxiety has swept over and I find myself a little dazed and confused, not sure what to do, how to feel, or how to spend my last ticking minutes. There are so many emotions floating around I guess it's just making me feel like a big emotional murky pond, which would explain a little crying fit after my Dr. appt yesterday, just to try and clear my head. It didn't really help and freaked my husband out a little. "Don't be one of those wacky people who gets all stressed unecessarily about things" was his take. I agree, but it's hard. It would help if he would talk about baby names or maybe it wouldn't. I worry about Mayson's reaction, he is sure she will be fantastic about the new baby. I want to take some last stage pregnancy pictures, he's in no rush (we have more 36 hours after all). He says it's routine minor surgery, but I know it is routine yes, but minor, not at all. He says everything is going to be fine, deep down I truly agree with him but I still need to listen to that little paranoid what if voice hiding inside of me. I guess that is what makes me a woman and makes him a man. The ability to hold two conflicting thoughts and emotions at the same time is something women tend to be quite adept at. Is it good for us? I don't know. Sometimes I'd like to be able to approach things like a man, with a simple single thought but most times I am grateful to have the insight of a woman. It just sometimes sucks, like now, when the emotional soup is bubbling and brewing a little out of control. Will I love this baby as much as I love Mayson? Will I enjoy having to split my attention to one more being in my life? Will I feel guilty for the emotional upset Mayson will feel? Will I be overjoyed at the blessing of yet another member of our little family? Will I be able to survive those nightly wake up calls and still have a sanity to deal with a two year old the next day? Will my baby be healthy? Will my husband rise to occasion? Will my husband resent me? Who will this baby be? Will I be just as enthralled as the first time around? Will it make me a better mom? Can I love everyone enough?

What's worse?

Waking three times in the night, having trouble getting out of bed to pee due to pubic bone pain or waking three times in the night to feed a baby, having trouble getting out of bed due to C-section incision pain?

Being exhausted from end-stage (yes it is somewhat likened to a terminal disease) pregnancy or being exhausted from caring for a baby, a toddler, and recovering from surgery?

Peeing when you sneeze or vaginal bleeding for 10 weeks straight?

Being kicked in the ribs 24-7 or having having sore nipples 24-7?

Not excercising because you are physically unable or not exercising because you don't have time?

Being catheterized or a post surgery UTI?

Knowing when you will have your baby and having the clock tick down or waiting not knowing when the ticking will stop?

Oh if I knew the answer to all of these questions I may not be in this predicament. Thankfully the human (or should I say female) mind is a wonderful thing in the way it allows us to eliminate these memories in order that we may bear more children?

But let me ask myself this...
What's better, feeling the miracle that is having a little life inside your womb or feeling the miracle that is holding your new born baby for the first time? Unfortunately I can't recall the answer to this question either but thankfully I will likely be blessed to enough to experience both, again! So today is a good day, and tomorrow, whether it brings a baby or another day of pregnancy, will be a great day.

My Definitions

Ironic - having a "potty cupcake celebration" at the park to celebrate 3 WHOLE DAYS of no pees or poops in the pants, feeling confident in leaving the house with one diaper and no diaper bag in hand, and having your two year old come up to you with pee soaked pants (despite wearing a pull-up at the time, how does that happen).

Pathetic - coming home from a true "Date Night" outing with hubby at the Oilers game (yes it's only pre-season but hey, we can't afford regular season prices) and upon arriving home while toddler is sleeping at Nanny's house we decide to flip on the tele whilst cooking a quick snack (hey, we can stay up and eat our kid is out of the house yipee!), we tune into Treehouse (as that was the channel on when TV was turned off of course) and it is a NEW Backyardigans episode we have never seen before. So here we are at 10:15pm, watching and engaging in intelligent conversation about the episode, who is Pablo supposed to be, are they doing a Robin Hood theme, what did Uniqua say...for at least 10 minutes before I realize what is taking place and put an immediate end to it.

Pathetic - (2) going to bed at 8pm on a Friday night, and feeling like you really accomplished something by making it to 10pm on a Saturday night.

Annoying - having a SERIOUSLY overpriced bottle of facial moisturizing lotion chewed by a neurotic bitch of an animal, not mentioning any names, the day after having the carpets cleaned.

Annoying - (2) arranging to have your husband child-rear every Saturday morning (in order to have a nice "morning off") by registering the child in gymnastics and designating it "Daddy/Daughter" time then having to jump out of bed 15 minutes before their ride arrives because Daddy doesn't set alarms on Saturdays and doesn't realize it takes more than 15 minutes to dress himself, a two year old, get a two year old to go potty (possibly a 15 minute event on its own), feed himself and a two year old, and get a two year olds shoes and coat on (at least a 7 minute event on a good day); after jumping out of bed to assist with said activities to then spend a half hour spot cleaning the carpet because daddy could not prevent dogs from running in the house with muddy feet, running upstairs (for which there is a baby gate to prevent from happening at all times as dogs are not permitted upstairs at our house) and leaving muddy footprints all over carpet (did I mention the carpets were cleaned very recently?); after cleaning carpet cleaning up a kitchen of half eaten toddler breakfast strewn about, milk sitting out on counter, cereal sitting out on counter, bibs, high chair tray, cups and utensils all strewn about differnt parts of the kitchen.

Annoying (3) - trying to go to bed early because toddler has given you its cold and then having toddler insist on being with mommy, and daddy saying "Okay, you go play in mommy's room" thinking he will sit downstairs in peace and watch football. Upon hearing from mommy that "NO!", it was Daddy's night to fill in, they both come into my room and bring toys, turn on the football game (which I was secretly planning to watch in bed anyway, but sans child and hubby) and bother mommy when really I just wanted to wallow alone in the dark.

Funny - when a toddler, after being told by her uncle, a few weeks back, that when she pooped in the toilet that she "dropped some nuggets" was appalled when I told her she was eating a chicken nugget today and then said "Noooo, mommy these are not poops". Good word association.

Impossible - that I can get any bigger, yet it happens daily.

Impossible - (2) finding shirts long enough to cover my IMPOSSIBLY large belly; how annoying to sport the fat old man bare belly bottom.

Suprising - after refusing to eat fruit other than bananas for the past year or more, my toddler asked for stawberries and oranges today, and ate both!!!

Uncomfortable - catching a cold at 36 weeks pregnant and trying to cough sans stomach muscles.